Much of my non-work time at the moment is spent in the dining room – or more specifically in Flower-lake City, T’s playmobil town. As you can see over the Christmas break a huge number of different buildings and sets have been put together, carefully arranged to form a town with a main street alongside an out of town area for the stables and the conservation and animal rescue center. It has given us the opportunity for hours (yes literally hours, I really wouldn’t want to keep count!) of storytelling, co-operative play (as long as I do & say exactly as I’m told of course; any of you with any experience of PDA will know what I’m talking about) imagination and stretching our thinking, and sharing outside the box.
As you can imagine it’s not always smooth sailing, there have of course been the usual obstacles because it is incredibly difficult for T to share the imaginative space and story tell with me. Sometimes we have to replay till I get it right, other times I get away with a suggestion or my own twist on what’s required – quite often with a lot of giggles. We’ve had a few moments when cats have wanted to join in too, which have proved a little tricky to navigate without meltdown. Those moments have brought back vivid memories of having to call A a ‘Giant’ whenever B’s games were changed or ‘ruined’ by her baby brother crawling or walking through – especially when he picked things up en route. Giving A a character took the intensity of the reaction away from him a little and over time became more of an expected part of the stories we played out with the dolls, marbles or whatever figures of choice we had organised.
The very first building as you go into Flower-lake city is a church. Over Christmas we had an exciting event in the community. Izzy & Charlie got married – we had no church at the time, and so we created a very outdoor wedding which suited them very well. But T got thinking, and Daddy made suggestions and our community church was created. A building that was in the loft (thank you Aunty E!), origionally a school building was found and cleaned and with a bit of card and imagination transformed into a welcoming church. Rev Ricky joined the town as our minister – still in need of a planned wardrobe change so she has a collar but very much becoming part of the furniture of the town.
What’s been so lovely to watch is the way Rev Ricky has got involved and the way the community has been using the building. I’ve found it so exciting to see T’s own experiences of church being played out so positively. To be honest sometimes (esp over the pandemic) I wonder if church is a positive for T at all.. or if she even wonders at why we do what we do. So what an encouragement. Rev Ricky has come in to do assemblies in the school – which is next door to the church, just as our church infants school is where we live. Most days she fetched the snacks and drinks for the school kids and drops them off. PE lessons have happened in the church space – with the stack of chairs neatly at the back out of the way of course – health and safety!
And when it’s church day in Flower-lake City a lot of the families come to a service, during which the children have their own teaching groups – acorns and mighty oaks (I’m pretty sure B helped name these groups one day when she popped in) – and they have their own notice boards to display their art work in the church building. Next plans Rev Ricky has are a mid week acorns group for the babies, and a movie night – always a favourite here where we live. I’m not going to lie, its also been a lovely excuse to do some mini crafting at the same time as trying my hardest to assist in the play as I’m asked to!
Hi everyone! I’ve so missed being able to be here this year. So this is me putting pen to paper as an act of commitment to getting back here more often. How are you?
It’s another rather strange and uncertain Christmas I guess for most of us. Some familiar things cancelled, others have gone ahead. Some plans with family & friends looking possible, others less so. It is draining isn’t it, trying to keep up – and also supporting others for whom uncertainty & change are pretty scary and unbearable. But it’s also making the traditions we have been able to take part in even more significant – like firm stepping stones across boggy ground.
We have our family nativity service this afternoon – we’ve all tested negative so it can go ahead. I’m excited and relieved, last year it was one of the cancelled parts of Christmas and we missed it. There is something wonderful about all dressing up – young and old – and stepping right into the story, becoming part of it , and letting it become part of us once again, embedding deeper each year. It’s a physical, tangible entering in using our imagination, and our senses. Ignatius would approve. He understood that God speaks to us, not just in words but in our imaginings and through our senses and instructed disciples to meditate on scripture bringing our senses and imagination with us and stepping into the story to meet with God there.
Emmanuel, God with us… God who steps into our story to meet us is ready and waiting to welcome us… so I’m getting the camel costume ready!
Have a wonderful Christmas – savour the traditions you can do, the time with family when it can happen, and step right in.
Its difficult not to see the irony that in this last year and a bit, of intense, relentless adapting and coping there has been a huge need for processing life and yet the least opportunity to write! The least opportunity for space and time to gather my thoughts. We have learnt so much together, struggled together, worried together (of course!) and supported each other. And now we stand at the brink of another seismic shift – the (hopefully) final lifting of lockdowns and going back out into the world and to school. Its making me feel exhausted just writing that. Its going to be another intense few weeks, and months as we face that, adjust to it and find a new pattern for this next season.
These are top of the list of things that I am feeling overwhelmed at the thought of. I’m writing not to wallow, not to scare myself further but to begin the processing of it all. I write in the hope that it helps to say it out-loud, and to find out none of us are alone in this.
Energy Have I got the reserves I need to support my family through another hugely stressful transition? Sleep patterns as always aren’t great, eating healthily – not my best to be honest. Work life balance is just about manageable in lockdown, but feels daunting and untested outside of it again. And already I am experiencing the sudden waves of lurching anxiety (keep on taking the tablets Cathy!) that I won’t be enough; strong enough, wise enough, present enough to give what is needed in support day in day out. Its madness to worry, I know. I’m never enough – in God’s economy I don’t need to be, and wasn’t chosen in the hope I would be – how freeing – how terrifying. Truth is He is enough. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Cor 12:9 (Cathy – He is enough for you)
Catch up There’s a lot of talk about student catch up – not so much about parent catch up! Will I ever be able to get things back on track logistically? Will we get the washing & ironing sorted, how on earth did I ever do it? Will we ever find the dining room again – it has become storage, remote learning space, my at home office and my volunteering hub. It’s a mess. When will there be space and energy to unravel that as the pace of life picks up again? Even simple things like hoovering has been done less often – the noise levels for the sensitive bat ears we have in our family, the fact that almost always someone in the house is on zoom or teams – so there’s catch up everywhere I look. It’s not that important for our well being in one sense, its clean enough but at some point we’ll open the door again & people – other people – will come in!!! That’s a daunting prospect. “..but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42 (Cathy – don’t lose sight of the important things)
Clothing Thinking about washing & ironing reminds me that a huge bonus of lockdowns has been the relaxing of the type of clothing I’ve had to battle T into. We’ve got completely out of practice wearing socks for example – a daily battle I’ve not been missing. Similarly, shoes have not been worn regularly. T has also grown, so not only is there a battle on the horizon to get used to the feeling of ‘out of the house’ clothes, and school uniform I need to negotiate through finding out what is uncomfortable and what doesn’t fit, and then of course the introducing of new items. Usually these two factors wouldn’t perhaps coincide quite so dramatically. But that’s going to take some doing. It will have fall out. It will be noisy, genuinely uncomfortable, emotional and a long haul. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.” Isaiah 43:2 (Cathy – you’re not going through this alone)
Separation I was reading just yesterday that for many of us it will be a similar emotional roller-coasterto starting school in the first place – parents and students alike. We’ll have to go through another separation. T & I have been together day in day out for months now. We have been learning side by side, not sleeping well – mostly side by side. In the garden letting off steam – side by side. Going back out of the house to work and school, separately will be difficult. I know T is acutely worried about having to do school on her own, away from that close support and understanding. I know that even though I will love having some space to breathe I will worry while she is away from me. Remote learning has been sooo tough, but with it has come an opportunity to see how she flourishes with that close support (on a good day). And to see that the demands of the school work itself is challenging for T, and know with new insight she will be facing that in the challenging environment of school again. A huge increase in demands and anxieties. “He tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11 (Cathy – hold onto this)
Pace I’ve already mentioned that it feels like the faster pace of life is looming around the corner. It is worrying me that its potentially a huge shock to the system to go from the pattern of life we’ve developed during lockdowns back into what I remember as a very fast paced, packed full (in a different way to the challenges of lockdowns) life. I’m reminding myself it will be more gradual than I’m fearing. School is the beginning, then other things will follow. Youth groups, Sunday services in the building, swimming lessons, in person social events will not all get up and running at the same time. It will be one step at a time. And I am telling myself to take those steps slowly and intentionally. I was packing too much into each week before, and here is an unexpected opportunity to do things differently – and perhaps push myself in an area I’ve never been good at – saying no to some good things, letting some things go. I simply have to. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…” Matthew 11:29 (Cathy – don’t panic, not everything needs letting go of, ask for wisdom)
These are my top 5 areas to pray about, and think about. Do they resonate with you? Maybe for you there would be others that would push some of these out of the top 5. There are certainly plenty to choose from right now as a mother of SEND children. It’s been a tough year, and it will be a tough transition coming out the other end. Please know I pray for you. Happy to listen. Happy to connect. Please don’t feel alone as this new season looms ahead. You are not alone.
So, since Lockdown number 1 lifted I have been getting used to juggling being in school some of everyday as the chaplain with all the other tasks & joys of life. To be honest it’s still a little odd getting my head around actually being an adult having an actual job! It’s a whole new way of juggling the needs of family life – any advice do leave a comment!!
One of the things I’m currently not sure I’m winning with is the washing – you’ll know I’m sure that its never as simple as working methodically through the washing Himalayas – there is an almost daily urgent need to prioritize particular items needed straight away… which I kind of (well very loosely) kept on top of before but now seems rather tricky and incredibly last minute. Sounds rather insignificant written down, but believe me it is certainly not insignificant when the only item of clothing that is acceptable to be wearing is in the mountain and not back in the draw in time!
Other than the practical logistics – which I’m sure will settle into some kind of routine – I find myself working out in a new way how to pace myself emotionally and energy wise. Family life for us can be draining, a lot of the support needed that is over above what you might expect as a parent of my age kids is emotional support and the creative finding, teaching and prompting of coping skills to deal with relentless anxiety (which has been through the roof this year), sensory overload plus self care and interpersonal skills – all of which require deep deep wells of patience and empathy, the negotiation skills of an international peace envoy and the imagination and energy to keep finding new approaches and adaptations. I need energy.
In many ways going out to work has been energy-giving in that it is a step away into a different world. I have a lovely base in the school, neat, calm and relatively quiet – which now has its very own colourful bespoke ‘stained glass window’ display. And I am loving the role with its opportunities for building relationships, offering support to the community and helping to shape the faith provision and culture of the school. But of course it is tiring too. Its as much about being fully me, fully present as any of the tasks I have to do and so introvert me is tired as I walk home. So I am praying for extra doses of patience and energy on that walk each day to arrive ready to be fully me, fully present and available to the needs at home.
I am becoming more aware that I need to get better at self-care myself! Eating healthily, trying to get more sleep when I can, doing exercise, and getting back into a routine of writing – about time too I guess many of you are thinking as you read this!! Watch this space. Something I read this week that struck a chord was an invitation to write ‘Ta Da’ lists at the end of a day rather than ‘To Do’ lists at the beginning… so here’s the beginning of my visual ‘Ta Da’ list from this week:
Is it true, what I’ve been reading on social media over the last 2 months, people have been redecorating houses, getting fit, taking up new hobbies? Apparently lockdown has been an opportunity for such things – for some!
Isn’t it hard not to face coming out of lockdown with a whole load of new things to feel guilty about. The untidy, unclean house let alone not re-decorated; the really few number of ‘good days’ of school at home; the fact that I’ve not been able to sit here with a cuppa for a whole 2 months!!; the non-existent new hobbies and achievements. Oh dear, if comparison is the thief of joy this is going to feel rather tricky to negotiate!
Surely I’m not alone!
Well, to try and help myself, I’m going to sit here for a moment and list my lockdown achievements – however different they may be:
We have (just about) always had clean clothes to wear!
Everyone has eaten something every day (even if it wasn’t at the right time, or in the same place as everyone else, or particularly nutritious)
School work has been printed out and talked about – a lot – enough said!
I have discovered and explored new places in the house and garden to create semi-permanent dens and tents. (safe chill out spaces and divide and conquer!)
Church has come into our living room, and study, and kitchen, and sometimes bedroom and even behind the sofa on Sundays.
I have become quite used to filming, editing and leading myself in worship and reflective activities of various kinds.
I have created film studio zones in the house and garden – that can be rediscovered under the mess when needed.
My volunteering responsibilities and my work have been done – that should be in capital letters, what an achievement in these circumstances!
And I have learnt all about green screens, stop frame animation and some basic editing. Watch out world!!
I have continued to exercise my extreme parenting skills – juggling, multi-tasking, peace keeping and hostage negotiation, wrestling the octopus-es or is that -i?, mentoring, counselling, resilience under a regime of sleep deprivation and red-coat entertainment as required.
We have bought and settled in 2 rabbits – Flapjack, and Tiffin.
I have tried new baked goodies – A has been baking lots of bread, and cake.
As a result I reached my ideal weight for the first time in years – even if fleetingly.
T has made it into the bath and shower enough.
I have made fabric masks for all of us.
I actually rang the doctors – yes me – if you know me well you will instantly agree it has to go on the list of achievements.
I have smiled, and laughed, played games and spoken to extended family regularly.
(I have also sighed, been tired, grumpy, frustrated and very anxious in equal measure)
I have not fallen out (permanently!) with any family members!!
Thanks for listening! It really helps to list things sometimes – there have been plenty of achievements – but as always they might not look the same in our family. What do they look like in yours as you ease out of lockdown?