circus skills

Well it’s been quite a week. School holidays have fallen before Easter week so we have been juggling, simultaneously trying to help everyone get some ‘rest’, finish the preparation for the Easter events at church (Andrew has still been at work this week), get the house ready enough for visitors and gently tackle the inevitable mound of homework and negotiating all this around the general life of the vicarage.

Rest

Rest has looked like less pressured mornings, some TV & breakfasts in bed quickly organised and fetched for others (which has meant a bit longer dozing for me), less rushing and urging to get dressed by a certain time; the usual bedtime routines but actually as we’ve got nearer the end of the week we have even had a couple of nights where everyone has been asleep between 1 & 6am!!

20170403_161544Extended imaginary play , left out to come back to again and again, spilling out of bedrooms downstairs & out into the garden.

A family outing with picnic, and ice-creams! (and spotting deer!)

The garden – a new flower bed is underway and I have had a little more time than usual… and of course have also had ‘little helpers’!

Time to get lost in Sims, Minecraft, the latest TV shows of choice, some good books, music.

Facilitating rest for everyone has also meant feeling like a Ringmaster holding back lions in one hand and horse whispering with the other whilst cheering on the clowns and keeping a keen eye on tightrope walkers.

Preparation & work

This has been a balancing act as always.

It has meant sometimes trying to mute the noisy play or lead it out into the garden whilst meetings happen – inevitably it seems to be the one moment no-one wants to watch something, or run madly in the garden, or bounce on the trampoline. And I end up feeling like a Band master with a very unruly set of musicians each with their own music and very prone to falling out with each other and with me – loudly!

It has also looked like sitting in the sunny kitchen with a cuppa making salt dough crosses with T (a horse whispering move and also a job on my to do list) and breathing, and chatting with neighbours who popped over and joined in.

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It has looked like laughing with B as we found space to paint some over sized palm leaves that Andrew needs for the Palm Sunday service tomorrow – and relief that we got them done in time between us.

It has meant typing away late at night, sitting in the dark waiting for B to get to sleep. trying to piece together the thoughts and plans that have come to me or been consolidated in my mind during the day in the bustle and noise.

It has also looked like this plaintive note that I found on my desk this morning after I had tried to grab some work time while everyone seemed settled for a minute:

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So it also looked like slightly reluctant, anxious about my prep, guilt ridden playing with the sand pit this afternoon, and finding lots of amazing creepy crawlies to observe, including massive worms, and a beetle stuck on its back, and things with so many legs (and so fast) we couldn’t count them all.

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House & Homework 

Some of this is easy enough, and my shadows this week have been happy and able to help with some. Washing has been tackled, and in some ways is easier with good weather – hanging out on the line is something T loves to help with at the moment.

Cleaning bathrooms though has been interesting. Standing on a chair cleaning around the blind explaining over and over to a more and more frustrated T why the chemical cleaners I’m using to prevent mold are things she can’t use, which means she can’t help, and how she couldn’t reach where it needs to go. Conversations like that quickly become 2016-05-04 09.32.38an intense cycle that it is very hard to get out of without meltdown, she gets locked in, focused on the one thing she is desperate to do. So it became a bit like practicing difficult acrobatics whilst being a lawyer defending myself, and at the same time being thrown at, pulled at, tugged at and poked.

Tidying T’s bedroom enough to be safe has had to be stealthily and silently attempted once she’s been asleep, little by little, carefully choosing which items I suspect ‘can’t be touched’ or moved that are still placed in the game, and those that appear to have been dropped or thrown out to find the next precious thing to be placed in the game – those I can put away! The silent mime artist.

Some homework has been done. Still more to go, and I’m on the wire keeping the balance between the desperate need for rest and the anxiety avalanche that will come if it all needs tackling under time pressure nearer the end of the holiday.

It feels as though I didn’t succeed in much today, other than being the grumpy stressed out baddie in the panto (will have to change the metaphor here, I don’t know who would have that role in the circus ring!). Despite the week’s restful opportunities it’s been so tiring and full on, and I have found it difficult to find that today was another day of clingy-ness and angst when it really did also need to be a day to tick some things off the to-do list…

However, T’s maths challenge for the hols (an Easter code cracking hunt) was craftily supported seamlessly as I moved around the house cleaning out guinea pigs, getting them out for some fresh air, and getting them back in to a freshly cleaned hutch… I don’t think T even noticed me achieving both – the illusionist! – so maybe it wasn’t all bad today, maybe when I’ve had some space to slow the pace and process all of the day I’ll see more was done than it feels like. And perhaps the things that didn’t get done that were on my list weren’t as important as the things we did instead? which leaves me (at ten to midnight, having just said goodnight, finally, to B) also wondering what God may have been nudging me to notice or learn about today that my frustrations and anxieties were getting in the way of.

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