lent is nearly here

It hardly seems a minute since I managed to get Christmas decorations down and packed back away, and here we are, Lent begins next week!

So I’m taking the opportunity of blogging about such things as faith habits at home as my excuse to spend some time enjoying pinterest – should I say, researching – looking for the many great ideas out there that other families have tried.

(By the way I collect together the ideas I find about faith at home on my pinterest board)

Ideas that have caught my eye this year are:

How beautiful!!  It's a visual walk through the days of lent to Easter.

 

This visual walk through lent posted by ‘rhythm of the home’

I wondered if it could also be made together as a family throughout lent, taking turns to add a thumb print (or even a painty foot print) each day.

‘Catholic Icing’ have a printable lenten calendar that could be coloured in each day. A simple visual countdown is really helpful for breaking lent down into something that can be imagined, and the end can be ‘in sight’.

‘Flame Creative Kids’  has a whole list of wonderful, creative, prayer and thinking activities including this lovely stained glass window design.

 ‘GodVenture’ ‘s new book takes you through lent looking at the story of Lazarus with stickers, story, prayers.

‘Dunlap Love’ directs me to a way of doing a lenten tree – like a Jesse tree – and has some free printable ornaments to laminate and hang up each day as a Bible verse is read.

And also ‘Wee Little Miracles’ tells me how to go about making and using this beautiful spiral to the cross with cardboard, burlap and modelling clay. She is planning to take turns to place a stone into a ‘cup’ each day to mark the journey through lent.

 

 

I will also be posting weekly ideas, practical and crafty and with free printables inspired by my book ‘My Easter Egg Hunt’ which explores the meaning of Good Friday. They’ll be posted on my clearly nurturing publishing website.

There are so many lovely ideas for creating sacred space, and a pattern of prayer and Bible reading together through lent. Now the hard bit is deciding which we will try. I am imagining we will combine a reflective habit like one of these with some intentional blessing of others.

Maybe joining in with the 40 acts challenge or by collecting food for the local foodbank, or similar project adding some items every day as we pray (we have a project our church supports that works alongside asylum seekers and refugees, and there are others too who would welcome donations or things or of time).

Lent is a time to focus together with God, to reflect on our own faith and trust in him, and his beyond words grace poured over us. A time to look at the world around us again but with eyes heightened and alert, and with hearts stirred by prayer and renewed sense of purpose. (And my prayer is that in the middle of our unpredictable and rather complicated family life there will be a thread of all those hopes running through our lives together in the run up to celebrating Easter, because God is in our midst)

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friends

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“She can’t be autistic, she has friends”…. (anon)

I must have heard this a hundred times! The truth is autistic people do have friends, want friendship and really value their friends. It’s also true that some of what makes up being a good friend and enjoying & understanding a friendship doesn’t come easily – in a sense that’s not different than it is for anyone, but the things that are difficult if you are autistic are there in every element of friendship everyday so it can get a bit complicated, exhausting and overwhelming at times it seems to me.

‘Once you have made friends, you have to work on your friendship. This is because you’re only going to benefit from a friendship .. if you continue to be friends with that person. Therefore, you need to use some friendship maintenance skills to keep the friendship going.

An analogy that might be helpful for this is learning to play a musical instrument … once you have mastered a skill such as playing a particular piece of music, you have to practice regularly to keep being  able to play that piece of music so that you maintain the skill in your memory’  (The independent woman’s handbook for super safe living on the autistic spectrum, Robyn Steward. p69)

A lot of the basic maintenance skills are things most people take for granted, most of us don’t remember having to consciously learn them, we are sometimes not even aware of them – they just happen when we are around our friends. Things like reading body language, hearing tone of voice changes, keeping up with the conversation, turn taking in conversation, noticing and understanding other people’s boundaries, likes and dislikes. These are all things that most autistic people have to consciously learn, and because most people aren’t aware how they learnt these skills it can be a very tough job to find someone to teach them!

Ongoing, ordinary friendship relies on these skills. For example, friends respond to each other’s feelings to be quick to comfort, say sorry or to share in their excitement, but people don’t express their feelings clearly and directly very often – more often through tone of voice, and body language alongside behaviour, and of course a reliance on a common understanding of how feelings are expressed in our culture, so there are a lot of different skills needed to be able to ‘see and hear’ a friends feelings in order to be able to be a good friend in response. If these skills have to be consciously learnt (and they’re not an exact science!) then this process takes more time, and is something that can go wrong quite quickly – and then be difficult to unravel and mend.

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Conversation is another ordinary part of friendship. But it is made more difficult if most people in a conversation seem to just know when it’s their turn to join in but to you it seems impossible to work out. The average way of learning turn taking in conversation is by noticing those raised eyebrow moments from parents or aunties when we were very small and just starting out; hearing the clearing of the throat of a grandparent and noticing the intent of it towards you, inferring it’s meaning as a reprimand or warning to wait. If you are autistic your brain just doesn’t learn by inference, and of course we’re also back to the not hearing tone of voice changes, not looking at people’s faces in the same way, not reading body language instinctively. These differences in learning mean that sometimes autistic people can dominate conversations unaware of other’s lack of interest or annoyance which can appear unfeeling or selfish, other autistic people sometimes never join in conversations in a group but wait to speak to just one person at a time which can appear very shy, withdrawn or uninterested.

‘Many people struggle to pick up on subtle social cues such as someone not sounding interested.For people on the autistic spectrum, this could be because you are monotropic (able to concentrate on only one thing at a time). Also, your sensory system may be mono-channel (concentrating on one sense at a time).’

(The independent woman’s handbook for super safe living on the autistic spectrum, Robyn Steward. p71)

It’s also very true that the context of any conversation makes a huge difference to how well these skills can be used even when they have been thought about and learnt. Many people who are autistic also have SPD (sensory processing disorder – or difference) which can mean they are vulnerable to being more quickly overwhelmed and so distracted by the environment around them – hearing all sounds equally rather than filtering out the ones not needed right now for example, or being in pain from the light that doesn’t seem too bright for anyone but you. Dealing with sensory overload (literally an overload of neuro-pathways) is not at all easy to do and still navigate a conversation well.

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One of the other different thing I’m noticing is just how difficult it can be in friendships when you are a very focused thinker. Many autistic people have very specific areas of intense interest which can hold their attention for an age, and at times can dominate their conversations, their choices in play, their imaginary world – at times pretty much everything. This can sometimes be difficult to bring into a friendship group, where other people have other interests and it is cultural for good friends to spend time enjoying and taking an interest in each other’s hobbies or interests. Again, a skill to learn. Sometimes it is even that the friendship itself is the intense interest and then it can get difficult when things change, or when new friends are also included, or when the friend’s boundaries over how often they feel comfortable about getting together don’t match. It can also be difficult in these moment to accept and understand that some people want lots of close friends.

Friendship is something I assume every parent worries over, and prays about for their children. For me it is also something I am constantly trying to dissect and understand better so I can anticipate hazards ahead and get teaching, showing and supporting the use of friendship maintenance skills. Because friends really matter, and we really value them.

it takes a long time to grow an old friend

 

 

Review: ‘Indescribable 100 devotions about God and science’

‘Indescribable 100 devotions about God and science’ by Louie Giglio is a new book of devotions all with a scientific focus. When I saw it advertised I pre-ordered I was so excited at the thought of devotions that would overlap with a special interest, and I hoped that being focused on science it might also be full of facts and details which would also appeal.

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We began reading, B & I, on New Years’ Day, and I have not been disappointed! Each day has been packed with interest grabbing facts and insights about our world – the main topics focused in on are space, earth, animals, and people (they are spread about through the devotions if you follow day by day but at the front is a contents which also groups them into these categories so you could read by topic if preferred). There is so much detail in each thought that we have even come across facts B didn’t already know (no point in me adding that there are lots & lots I don’t know, take that as read! – but I have been able to follow).

Each devotion must take about 2 or 3 minutes to read and include the Bible verse, and there are drawn pictures and photographs (next to bonus facts to think more about) on each page, and a prayer you can use together. I think it would be accessible for confident readers to use alone, but we are enjoying them together and mostly finishing with our own prayers – because we have a set way that has evolved over time.

Although I have started reading with B I think it will also appeal to T (now 7) so when the moment is right I may tentatively see if I can build it into my bedtime routine with her & see what she thinks. But I love it!

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Other devotions we have loved:

‘Thoughts to make your heart sing’ by Sally Lloyd Jones

‘God and me’ by Penny Boshoff was great when B & A were little, and still dipped into by T as she loves the pictures (all photos of real children doing interesting things!)

‘Children can you hear me’ by Brad Jersak (I talk about this book here)

‘Comfort in the darkness’ by Rachel Turner (read our review here)

And not forgetting ‘Our family GodVenture’ by Victoria Beech which we are still enjoying on Fridays when we have a ‘sabbath’ meal together.

And ‘Topz’ books (produced by CWR) have also been enjoyed over the years – we’re not there with T yet, they were great when A wanted something to get stuck into on his own.

Would love to know your recommendations, are you enjoying any particular Bible devotions/thoughts for the day at the moment? .. leave suggestions in the comments..

 

 

calm woodland corner

Well, schools have finally broken up for the Christmas holidays, and we have our first visitors arriving tomorrow. So in preparation I spent some of today creating a calm corner for the girls (and anyone else of course!) to use when they need some space or need to work at calming down.

We have a little gap behind the sofa in the sitting room. It’s very small but maybe that is in its favour – it’s definitely a ‘one at a time’ kind of space!

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I have made a mobile above the space with paper snowflakes which moves and spins slowly as the air moves in the room. I have collected together some pine cones and wood, some laminated autumn leaves and brought a natural woodland feel right into the corner. T has a mood colour night light hedgehog so he’s moved in too.

Our scottie dog doorstop is soft and happily brings some weight onto a little one’s knees to ground them and bring a sense of safety. And our soft cuddly snowman sits ready for a squeeze.

To make use of the radiator that I can’t move out of the way, I have laminated some clip art woodland animals, and cut out some basic silhouette trees – added some magnets onto the backs and created a quick ‘make your own woodland scene’ which can be fiddled with, can inspire stories and become absorbing. As I cut the shapes out I tried to make sure there were no sharp corners or edges so it’s all smooth to touch.

Next I have made a lap size light box from a small household opaque plastic tub with a lid and some LED lights. I will put some tissue paper shapes and some coloured plastic counters that can be arranged on the lid and played around with enjoying the light.

Then I have collected some fidget toys, puzzles and sensory activities into a basket the other side of some cosy cushions. There are a lot of DIY ideas to try. We liked these…

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  • ‘our best bites’ have instructions for homemade snow globes
  • ‘red ted art’ has printable mesmerizing flextangles
  • ‘Views from a step stool’ has instructions for a Christmas themed sensory bag
  • DIY light box instructions from ‘the imagination tree’.
  • fabric marble maze instructions from Yvonne Reynolds (I’m making mine from felt, and tree shaped for my woodland calm corner).

But we also added a sand timer, a Christmas I spy jar we made last year using rice and little pictures and sequins, a tactile snowflake made from fluffy pipe cleaners and hair bobbles with big beads on, a couple of simple puzzles, a Christmas stencil with pens and a pad of paper for doodling, and a create your own story game that we have.

I like the printables for the calm down kit from ‘the chaos and the clutter’ which give suggestions for how to calm down. If I have time I will put something together on a woodland theme. Maybe ‘curl into a tight ball like a hedgehog’ or ‘take a deep breath like the owl flying’, ‘warm up the snowman with a tight cuddle’ ? Any suggestions welcome! …

 

 

 

 

Advent ideas

About this time every year I have a bit of a panic at the thought that I’m not quite ready for Advent! The pressure to be ready for Christmas, to have presents bought and wrapped, food and entertainment planned is all around so it’s hard to forget it’s coming. But I find somehow or other – even in vicarage life!- that time to plan family Advent moments creeps up rather suddenly. But it’s taken us a long time to begin being able to explore some Advent family devotional traditions for so many reasons (which I wrote about here) and I don’t want to lose momentum (however slow and faltering it may be!).

There are so many really lovely ideas out there to find and have a go at, many needing little or no preparation really, and many printables to get things started if you want to add a daily reading or a daily act of kindness into advent calendar pockets you use already.  (There are links to some we have liked here)

So of course, as I was preparing tea tonight (A has not been well so it was my turn) B and I decided to… get out the clay (yes the clay! – the printables could have been so easy I think to myself sitting here now!) and make our own take on an advent wreath – the kind that’s a journey round a spiral getting ever closer to Bethlehem. Well why not at the end of a complicated and tiring day! Maybe pummeling clay was the stress relief we both needed.

Gradually in-between chopping and cooking we worked out how we wanted to shape it, and found the candles we think we will use in it. With the candles B stamped out the holes that will be the ‘steps’ along the journey, one for each day of Advent. And as we worked we wondered if perhaps each day the candle itself will be moved forward a step and then lit as we eat together, or whether we will have the 4 traditional Advent candles as markers along the way… perhaps we could find some activties and prayers about each candle’s theme and look at them on our Friday family Sabbath time (a new adventure I’ll write about soon). We found our little brightly painted nativity figures and wondered if maybe Mary and Joseph could make the journey one step at a time, and we could follow them along.

Once it is dry we will enjoy painting it together and maybe even making a base for it to stand on – with Bethlehem houses painted around it’s edge we thought. Lovely happy time dreaming and chatting together – much needed break. Now all we need to do is find a moment for painting, and of course have it ready to go on time!

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