present in the moment

I’m tired! Nothing new, I know.

But Monday was still sunny and T wanted to play in the garden, with the bat and ball. For a while I threw, she missed then picked the ball and batted it back in my direction (mostly!), then of course I ‘ran’, fetched the ball and we did it all again.

After a short while I sat down on the grass while T fetched the ball for once. She came over and sat with me, and we began to get comfy and become aware of all that was going on around us. We watched a fat bumbling bumble bee crawling in and out of a flower, and the buzz it made when squeezing out. We saw it’s little legs laden with yellow pollen.

And God saw that it was good!

(Gen 1:10)

We noticed the colours of the wild flowers coming up with the lawn… clover purple, buttercups bright yellow , daisies white but blushed pink at the edges. To get a closer look I lay down on the grass, and T climbed on my back. And we began to relax and rest. As we watched and listened to the garden we saw a pied wagtail coming and going, collecting insects. Sometimes running, sometimes jumping or hopping, sometimes slow with the tail bobbing. T noticed it always went to the same tree when it’s beak was stuffed full. So we chatted about whether there might be a nest there. Was this the same wagtail each time, or was it mum & then dad taking turns?

They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (Lk 12:24)

We enjoyed it for a while (maybe even 5 mins – that’s a remarkable time with T still & absorbed with me there too) and then we tiptoed over to the tree to see what we could see. Up in the tree directly above us, almost within reach were two soft grey, downy, fluff-balls with bobbing tails! Baby wagtails! T was so excited, we ran in to fetch a camera and each had a go at trying to stand very still and film these wonderful birds. What a treat!

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It’s always a treat, a gift to share a moment like that with one of my children. We wonder together at the beauty of God’s creation. It’s intricate detail, it’s variety. I wonder at the care over the detail, each little baby bird known and loved by it’s creator. Each bird designed and decorated in joy. T found a tiny feather under the tree and ran in to put it in her feather jar – each one collected carefully, each a memory of wonder and discovery.

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the votes are in

love joy peace

I vividly remember my first ever vote. Walking in to the Polling Station with my Dad, who took me to the desk and proudly announced to everyone and anyone that it was my first time to vote. We registered, went to the booth to cast our vote, posted it into the black box and went home! I don’t know who felt more proud, Dad or me – I certainly remember the feeling of the sheer privilege of it, and the weightiness of the process of reading up, carefully considering, praying & voting.

The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can [all] be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. This is the way our Savior God wants us to live. (1 Tim 2: 1-4 MSG)

We grew up discussing together. Questioning, discovering and finding out for ourselves. Matters of faith, ethics, the big questions of life were mulled over. Sermons were discussed at Sunday lunch. Politics was also a significant part of family conversation. We knew (or at least I’m fairly sure we knew) how Mum & Dad probably voted, but they modeled a way of weighing up policies from different parties, holding them up against the Bible and our experience and knowledge of our faith, questioning them and ourselves. They modeled a sense of responsibility to take each opportunity to vote seriously, showed us in their attitudes and actions the ways that policies were not simply academic but affected people. We were not told which party we should vote for, we were shown how to vote. I’m so grateful for their lives of faith and the example they gave us. I’m thankful too that over the years they have made room for our questions, our doubts, our naivety, our simplistic thinking. That they did not belittle but encouraged.

So today I have thought a lot about that first experience of voting, and how my parents made space for us to grow and discover for ourselves – and how that spurs me on to keep intentionally making that same safe space for mine as they grow. I have, as usual, missed my Dad’s voice and encouragement in the run up to today. We have definitely not stopped the big discussions, not stopped asking the difficult questions whenever we get the chance to all be together – and the older ones in the next generation are getting into the swing of it very ably too now – but it is one of those parts of life where it still feels very stark that his voice and his wisdom is not in the mix anymore since he died!

What would he be reminding us of now that the votes are in, and the counting begins? Whatever tomorrow brings I think Dad would be reminding me of my calling to Christ-likeness, in my loving and living, in my choices and my thinking. So I am reminding myself of Jesus’ ‘manifesto’ – and praying for more grace! (so much more needed as always!)

When he stood up to read, he was handed the scroll of the prophet Isaiah. Unrolling the scroll, he found the place where it was written,

God’s Spirit is on me;
    he’s chosen me to preach the Message of good news to the poor,
Sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and
    recovery of sight to the blind,
To set the burdened and battered free,
    to announce, “This is God’s year to act!”

 

He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the assistant, and sat down. Every eye in the place was on him, intent.  (Lk 4:17-19 MSG)

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I don’t understand

So, what have Jack the Ripper, weight, mass, velocity, aboriginal art, tadpoles, trellis, soft furnishings, origins of the word ‘Blazer’, peonies and politics got in common??? Not sure, except that I’ve had to have discussions and try to answer questions about all of them so far this week, and more. We have children who ‘need to know’ all sorts of things, they want to understand, sometimes it feels as though they have never grown through the ‘why?’ phase.

Some of the questions spark from homework – I’m extremely thankful for the balance brought by Jack the Ripper alongside aboriginal art this week! But most simply come from things seen, heard, encountered. Nurturing an environment at home where faith is part of everyday life means of course that the questions and discussions are also about that too, which in a way is really encouraging – it means they are seeing, hearing and encountering it. My week began with a real humdinger of a question – ‘how can I make sense of God when I read the stories about wiping out whole people groups in God’s name in the Old Testament Mum?’. To make a change it came in the midst of the rush to get ready for school rather than last thing at night before bed, but even so – a real tough one – thanks A!

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Image from ‘The Graphic Bible’ J Anderson & M Maddox

In that moment I think I remember expressing what a tough and real question it was, and how many other questions it gives us. I think I remember suggesting it’s not the only picture of God that we have even in the Old Testament – Jericho and the peaceful walking around the walls (though admittedly still a story of conquest which becomes less peaceful quite rapidly), Gideon and how God asked him to keep reducing his army, the story of the broken jars and the lights causing panic (Judges 8), Jonah being so disgruntled when God forgave rather than punished. And I definitely finished that short moment of discussion by introducing the idea that Jesus is the lens to understanding God – how Jesus himself said ‘If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father’ (Jn 14:9), that we can’t separate the two. We both agreed that Jesus’ life showed us things in a different light.

We’ve not found a moment to pick it up again yet, but it will come. And in the meantime I’ve been pondering and wrestling (probably much like A has) what do I think? How can I explore that with A? What’s the best approach?

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Despite the years of theological study it’s a tough one, there isn’t one clear answer that a majority of scholars agree with and the approaches that they take are varied. Some explore and discuss from a social history perspective, how what we know of ancient cultures contemporary to early Israel lived, helps us interpret the biblical accounts. For some this gets done in the light of archaeological evidence from sites of the cities in 20170519_134922Canaan for example. Others take a literary perspective wanting to explore which bits of which biblical book probably have a similar source, how the accounts may have been passed down and then written and how that process might shape our understanding of the events behind the accounts. Different literary approaches might focus on the ‘why’ of the writing, and in the comparison between Israel’s way of recording it’s history and other cultures or people groups’ recorded history to see what defines it and shapes it, what makes it different? Some focus really closely in on the linguistic analysis of particular key words or phrases, asking how they have been translated, was there a cultural nuance in the original language that’s missed in translation, and how could we know that? Some in contrast focus on the ‘Big Picture’, asking what do these accounts mean if we see them in the context of the whole sweeping story of salvation – the story of God and his people? and of course there are different perceptions of what that story itself is, and different aspects of it that can be focused in on… and each of these approaches and questions can lead to different conclusions of course.

Was the history written down as it happened, very humanly, but with people justifying their actions by couching it with ‘God says…’? Did God say these events had to be this way to show us something about ourselves or him without which we would not be ready for Jesus? Are they there to teach us about purity, justice, holiness, God’s jealous love for us because there was no other way for us to learn those things?? Do these accounts of war and killing show us human imperfection in the midst of a story which has a focus on love and self-sacrifice?

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When I pick up the conversation with A again, I probably won’t keep the complexity from him. He’s a deep thinker, and we try as parents not to gloss over or ignore the big questions however hard they are, and however daunted we feel going into those conversations. Equally I probably won’t go through each different school of thought in huge amounts of detail unless he shows an interest and a million other questions follow on! I’m imagining I will ask him as many questions as he asks me… what does he know about God that these stories seem difficult to match up with? what is it that’s a puzzle? where else could we look in the bible that might help us understand, or see it differently? what have we experienced of God, what do we know him to be like because of that? Do we always understand everything about him? If not I wonder why not?

Whenever these tough questions come up I remind myself that my kids are not content with superficial, smoothed over answers, and neither am I probably – though I’m tempted sometimes. Which leaves us in that uncomfortable place of unknowing and the difficult task of learning to live in that without clear cut, definitive answers for everything. But I hope that in creating a safe space for these questions to be asked & heard, and to be wrestled with that we draw ourselves and our kids to the heart of that safe space that we pray into our family life, we draw them into God’s presence, into the presence of the one who does understand all things and still loves us. I hope that by giving space for the wrestling rather than telling A my opinion as if it’s the only one will also model a pattern of growing in faith through the tough questions without being afraid of them.

Blossom songs

Sometimes life just has to pause while we praise in the moment…

My littlest has this down to a T (yes I know!), always has- I on the other hand am a work in progress.

What’s your praise song been this week? I often hold a song during the week, or maybe the words of a song hold onto me. This week it’s been ‘What a beautiful name it is!’:

What a beautiful name, a wonder-full name, a powerful name! It has led me to praise in the mundane moments. It has stilled me at times when my head and my heart was full. It has enabled me to look ahead and trust when anxieties have come. It has coaxed me to pray. It has reminded me whose I am.

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father. (Phil 2:9-11 NIV)

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Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name…(from ‘It is well’, Kristene DiMarco)

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just a phrase

‘It frightened the life out of them’

Don’t worry Mummy, it’s just a phrase that means it frightened them a LOT.

Just one of the many phrases we have encountered this week that just have to be learnt!

‘He was at a loose end’ – we came upon this one in a Paddington story. When I asked T what she thought it could mean she explained that he was balancing carefully on the scrumply, tatty end of an unrolled piece of paper. I love the image. Like someone getting to the end of the to-do-list and not sure where to put their foot next as it peters out beneath them.

‘Bob’s your Uncle’ – don’t you mean Rob Mummy, and he’s not till Aunty Em & Rob get married… (that made me smile, she’s quite right! And what a silly phrase ‘Bob’s your Uncle’ is!)

‘In the wars’ heard at school. ‘It’s when you bump into something about 3 times in the same day. You say it like that because when people were in the war they were hurt.’- T.

‘In a minute’ – ‘No, not in a minute Mummy, NOW! Your counting makes a minute really really long.’ – T. It’s a longstanding cause of annoyance this one, I try really hard to say ‘as soon as I can’ or something more accurate like that but, especially in the mornings when I’m still half asleep I still find myself saying ‘In a minute T’!!

I’ve got the eye of a tiger’ – from a song, and sung frequently in our house translating the line as ‘I’ve got a tiger in my eye’ – sounds painful! This one’s socially accepted meaning is yet to be learnt by T!

‘proud as a peacock’

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We drove into town this afternoon, and on the way go passed a cattle market. Today there were sheep to look at as we waited in traffic. We had a long discussion about whether they were lambs (since Daddy commented on lamb chops!). As we got moving again the worship song we were listening to talked about the Lamb on the throne… ‘even the song is talking about lambs Mummy’ – T. ‘Oh yes, but it’s not chatting about lambs like that, it’s talking about one person who was described like a lamb’, me, ‘You mean Jesus?’, T. ‘People wrote about Jesus being like the Passover lamb..’, Andrew. ‘Ooh I love the Passover meal, when is it Daddy?’… and the conversation moved on!

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Given more time, (and if the interest is there of course) this is such a rich theme in the Bible. So many layers of meaning that come together when we hear  Jesus described this way. Of course yes the Passover Lamb – he is our promise of rescue and mercy. His blood (his life given) marks and covers us in the same protective way as the lamb’s blood covered the door ways on the night of the final plague. The houses of the faithful were passed over as the plague came, killing the firstborn.

The sacrificial lamb. Within the sacrificial system, given to God’s people, animal sacrifices were made as peace offerings, guilt offerings, for atonement, forgiveness of sins, as a sign and renewal of covenant with God. Animals chosen had to be pure and perfect, their blood sprinkled on the altar to make a way for God’s people to come near to God having been purified and made holy, acceptable, right to be in God’s presence. The book of Hebrews reminds us that these sacrifices had to  keep on being made to keep a right relationship with God. But Jesus’ sacrifice when he died to bring us to God, to make us holy, forgiven, pure, is the ultimate sacrifice, the once for all, no need to be repeated sacrifice, he is THE perfect, spotless lamb. We are forgiven, our guilt is taken away, we can be at peace with God.

It is also interesting that throughout the Bible we are described as sheep, the people of God in need of a shepherd. And here is Jesus being described as the perfect lamb. One of us, fully human just like us but perfectly human as we were always intended to be! He stands in our place, offering back to God what we can never manage to bring in all our brokeness and imperfections. He takes us into God’s presence.

‘Mind blowing’- (dictionary definitions) astounding, staggering, you would expect it to be the results of a hallucinogenic drug, too much for the brain to handle or process, affecting the emotions intensely.