Easter holidays

 

When the school break happens leading up to Easter it’s a little tricky in our house!

A lot of patience was required from B, A & T as Andrew & I worked and prepared different services and events. A lot of patience was required by Andrew & I as the kids needed help relaxing, finding things to occupy themselves with and completing work.

In the end we began the holiday fortnight digging out a new pond in the back garden, with A designing and directing, me digging when I could and finishing other things when I could, and T with a trowel & paint brush checking for archaeological finds! Andrew mostly in the study or out for work, and B also working.

We found some fairly recent broken house tiles and the remains of a garden brick wall we think – and perhaps some pieces of a not-so-old plant pot! We also finished a pond.

As you can imagine it was a lesson in ‘I am simply not good enough, I can’t do all this without help!’ My patience has limits, each day has limited usable time, and lets face it washing clothes (and people!), cleaning, tidying, food (though Andrew handles that thankfully) and time together all still have to happen – sleep is apparently still fairly optional in our house but that’s another blog! Where does my help come from??!

I look to the hills!
Where will I find help?
It will come from the Lord,
who created the heavens
and the earth.

The Lord is your protector,
and he won’t go to sleep
or let you stumble.
The protector of Israel
doesn’t doze
or ever get drowsy.

The Lord is your protector,
there at your right side.

Psalm 121 (CEV)

There’s a limit to how far you can dig deep into your own resources, or at least that seems true in my experience. I’m finite. I’m not brilliant at everything. I’m tired – genuinely, mentally, physically and emotionally tired. I’m not enough many days. My faith in a faithful God is where I go for resources that go beyond my own; like walking uphill on a hot day and finding a well overflowing with cold pure water.

There’s no limit to how far you can dig deep into God’s heart finding love bigger, greater, stronger than you can ever imagine; patience that can outlast eternity; peace – real peace; forever new beginning forgiveness; mercy; being known, heard, understood; home…

 

It was I suppose a good context for Easter celebrations in the end. I went into Good Friday knowing I desperately needed help and forgiveness, knowing I couldn’t make it on my own. And found as if for the first time, as always, surprising mercy and love flowing from the heart of our full of life God.

 

 

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seeing in colour: how do we experience life in all its fullness?

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Jesus told this simple story, but they had no idea what he was talking about. So he tried again. “I’ll be explicit, then. I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. (John 10:10 MSG)

“It’s so sad Mummy”, “what is T?” – “they don’t see all the colours.”

We were chatting about our two lovely, cuddly kittens. We’ve been busy in T’s bedroom, new curtains, some bigger shelves and a good sort out. We’ve also been making a house together for her dolls, and have so enjoyed the colours and fabrics and papers we have been playing with. And Jaffa loves it as you can see – on this visit to the house he found the bedroom and decided to settle in for a nap tucked in by T, too cute!

Cats apparently only see in black and white, or only a very limited range anyway. Of course we talked about how they had only ever seen things this way which meant that the shades and densities of black and white and all in-between were what they were used to, they could still have favourites and enjoy the differences (Jaffa seems to love pink for example, but we don’t know that pink looks the same to him as it does to us).

Recently someone reminded me of John 10:10 – life in all its fullness, life in abundance is what Jesus gives us as he comes into our lives. And I thought back to this little conversation. Spiritually we have got so used to seeing only in black and white, and we are very comfortable with that. But God sees in technicolour! And in Jesus it is as if he opens our eyes to catch glimpses – not too much or we’d be overwhelmed – of the dazzling colours of real, full, life. I expect we each get to see and experience different glimpses too. The abundant life of God splashes into our lives in different places and in different ways. One of my go-to phrases about my life as a disciple is that ‘my joy looks different from yours’ (or swap in peace, or hope etc). I don’t mean that God’s truth is relative – not at all – I guess I’m meaning that the expression of it, my experience of it as it splashes into and through my life here on earth may be very different from yours. We are unique, and God’s revelation of himself is personal at the same time as being the same truth for all, across all time and cultures.

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We each see and experience in a different way. Some much more differently than most. My girls see and experience the world around them differently from most and sometimes I wonder if that means they see very different shades, depths and brightness in the colourful splashes of God’s abundant life that break into ours.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to understand more of what they see, what their faith experience feels like? Wish I could be a fly on the wall. But it’s their personal friendship with God, their story with him. I only walk alongside, hoping to encourage and enable. But I’m also walking alongside ready to listen and learn, and rejoice when they share with me. I am learning (still!) to listen when T starts to sing in the garden or as we walk – it’s in these songs that she often describes her friendship with God, or her wonder at him and all he’s made. When I chat with B about a faith experience of my own, I’m learning to be braver and gently ask how she sees it, or if she’s experienced anything similar – and am learning to wait for her answer (which may come days later!). When I am planning something for a church group I’m enjoying asking B, A & T what they think, what they would choose to do to explain, or what craft or activity it makes them think about. Drawing and doodling together continues to be a great way of talking and sharing faith experiences together too.

What are the times your kids are able to share an insight about their faith?

In what ways does God’s abundant life splash it’s colour into your family life?

 

logistics of a short break

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Sunny weather, beautiful home-cooked food, the sea, sand and sky – what more could we need! We managed to get away for a few days during the school break to spend some time with family.

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It was beautiful to get to the sea. As T commented it is a place which can make you feel ‘free’; on the beach she had space; to talk, sing, collect, dance, watch, notice, feel. (Of course, sensory overload is never far away so short doses required!)

Getting away for a break is tiring though (Oh the irony).

Routines are very different. As a guest you don’t want to call the shots about what and when meals will be, and the unknowing brings its own anxieties when you already live with anxieties about eating. Our animals and familiar surroundings are missed terribly even for a few days. New surroundings means unfamiliar smells, textures, sounds all of which can be tiring to adjust to and difficult to relax around. Family time inevitably includes trying to balance different needs, some needing and wanting to see new places and explore new experiences while others need and want to do the same outings or watch the same movies as last time we visited.

Getting away involves major transitions; leaving and arriving and travelling in-between – twice! And it’s logistically challenging. Choosing outfits in advance, trying to wisely pack the right extras (toys, books, sensory fiddles etc) to keep things calm in all the little gaps, medications (forgot my own this time which didn’t help anything) and those essentials without which the challenge of the new cannot be faced. Making sure things back at base are ready enough for the return.

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Here are my tips for keeping short breaks as smooth sailing as possible in the midst of all the challenges ASC, PDA & SPD throw up…

  • Don’t give in to the embarrassment of taking too much luggage. I struggle with this one even when we are staying with family. Even a few days requires a lot of stuff for us. But the times we have tried to cut things out we have regretted it. If the dolls need suitcases too so be it!
  • Screens come too. If no internet access then favourite programmes must be downloaded in advance. Check favourite games/apps to see if they need internet access, and if so find one that doesn’t and try and introduce it well in advance of the trip.
  • pack some snacks and nibbles (or even a tin or 2) that will almost always be eaten to have on standby. Just knowing they are there can help reduce anxiety.
  • Do some things that you always do at that place so that not everything is new every visit.
  • We are National Trust members which has been so helpful for us over the years. Each new place has a very similar feel to it, and a similar set of components – a house to look round, a garden to ramble through, a play area, a cafe/picnic areas and toilets. So new places can be explored whilst still feeling manageable. Also being members (paying a yearly fee) means we don’t stress if an outing only lasts a short time. There is no pressure to make the day last if it’s not working for whatever reason.
  • Try not to forget essential medication (note to self!!).
  • Take timers/visual timetables etc if you are using them regularly at home. Don’t expect it all to feel easier.
  • Pack sensory toys and fidgets.
  • Anything that makes bedtime feel familiar in a new place needs to come too. Is it a particular blanket, their own pillowcase, a cuddly toy that’s always there, their own clock to hear the same ticking as usual, using the very same devotions or prayer – whatever it is, work it out, pack it and still prepare for some even more sleepless nights than usual.
  • Don’t forget to take lots of pics; stop and take a breath every now and then to remind yourself to enjoy it all and notice all the good bits (after all dancing on the beach is not to be missed!).
  • And when you get home, take a moment to be aware of the many things that happen much more smoothly because of the home and family routine you help put in place – you might need to remind yourself in a few days time!

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DIY no sew weighted lap cushion

Well, it’s been a long week. T has been off school unwell at the beginning of the week which is always tiring. She gets very anxious when she’s unwell, and needs a lot of tlc day and night. She is now back at school, and improving but it has prompted me to look for new ideas to help bring calm!

One that I came across sounded potentially so multi-taskingly helpful that I thought I’d give it a go. Weighted blankets is something we’ve thought about for T but never quite got there. They are pricey or appear to be fiddly and time consuming to DIY (or at least they have become those feelings whenever I think about trying!) But yesterday I came across a no-sew weighted lap blanket/cushion which may give us the chance to find out whether T responds well to having a weighted blanket in the first place before I try and attempt to make one. And into the bargain, it uses mermaid fabric so it can be calmingly drawn and written into whilst using it.

It just so happens I have a mermaid fabric cushion cover waiting in a drawer for the right crafty moment so I have got it out this morning and got going.

The tutorial that inspired me can be found over on ‘lemon lime adventures’.

As is my usual crafting approach I raided the cupboards and used what I had. But I’m pleased with the initial result and am looking forward to T trying it out when she gets back. Friday night is movie night for us so it’s the perfect chance to give it a go. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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  • Raided the cupboards and found dried split peas, and little stones. Ziplock bags and of course the cushion cover.
  • Simply divided up the stones and peas, laid them across an old micro fibre towel and taped them down with box tape/parcel tape. Then folded the other half of the towel over and taped across to hold it all together.

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  • A little bit of careful jiggling and wriggling into the cushion cover, and zipped it shut!
  • Now enjoy!

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What is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)?

‘Autism Spectrum Condition’ (ASC, previously ASD (disorder)) is an umbrella term in the UK gathering within it other particular autism profiles, or presentations of autism with their own nuances and quirks. Pathological Demand Avoidance is one of these profiles. I’ve been reading up about it, and about other’s experience of it because although I’m well aware every single child is unique there is something about this particular profile that resonates. It makes sense of some of the dynamics we see at home.

‘PDA is now widely understood to be part of the autism spectrum. Children who present with this particular diagnostic profile are driven to avoid everyday demands and expectations to an extreme extent. This is rooted in an anxiety-based need to be in control. Aspects of the profile may be variable at different times and in different places.’ PDA Society

It is not yet used as a diagnostic profile in every part of the country, it depends on the NHS district you fall into. So over the last few years I have been keen to find out what I can about it because I have found it’s the most insightful and helpful profile for us to gain better understanding of behaviours we see, and to learn strategies that support. As well as the social and communication differences, and the sensory differences common to autism spectrum conditions PDA’s particular characteristics are:

The distinctive features of a demand avoidant profile include:

‘Individuals with PDA can be controlling and dominating, especially when they feel anxious and are not in control of their environment. They can also be very affectionate, charming, sociable and chatty, when they are calm and feel safe.’ PDA Society, about PDA 

I see many unique strengths…

  • fascinated by people, and quite passionate about getting to know what makes them tick.
  • observant and detailed
  • thinking outside the box and problem solving (seen in the many amazing strategies used to avoid demands!)
  • creative
  • feels deeply
  • desire to get things right

I also see such extreme anxiety about almost every aspect of living life in a world that seems confusing and relentlessly, overwhelmingly demanding. I see a need for  understanding, and loving support.

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