Myth busting the Nativity

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There are so many traditions and embellishments that over the years we have added to the Biblical account. Many are lovely, they can help us imagine the scene, some draw us in and bring it to life. Some however can give us the wrong idea about the story altogether. It’s really useful for us to have clarity about what’s there in the Bible, what we know and to separate out the add ons – not necessarily to ‘banish’ them but to know them as extras.

My girls need that clarity. It’s hard to have to unlearn something later and have to build trust again with the story itself, and the people who told it. Far better to be clear from the beginning (great with hindsight I know!).

Little Donkey is unfortunately never mentioned in the Biblical accounts. It’s true that we know with some certainty that having a donkey with you when you traveled at that time, in that place was common – if you were well off enough to have one. But the donkey would probably have been used to carry things not people routinely. So yes, it is lovely to imagine Mary having the assistance of a donkey for the really long journey on foot to Bethlehem whilst heavily pregnant – but we are having an educated guess. We don’t know for certain they had one with them.

Three Kings are a neatening up of the story. The Bible describes simply ‘some wise men from the East’. We have made the logical step of assuming they had wealth and social standing to be able to abandon what they were doing and set out on the long journey of discovery, and because of the expensive presents they brought. We’ve also neatly assumed three when writing carols and nativity plays – easy, one for each present. But it could have been a group all coming together to bring the three presents. They could have had an entourage of servants with them, there could have just been two out on an adventure together… we’re simply not told.

Stable round the back of the Inn Now this is a tricky one. Almost all Christmas cards show the nativity scene in a wooden stable that we in the west would recognize. It’s usually either at a small distance from the town or like a lean to against the Inn. Also I think we have translated the word ‘Inn’ looking at the story through western eyes, imagining perhaps an old fashioned public house taking in weary travelers with rooms for hire upstairs – and it’s full to bursting. In fact that kind of Inn was not the norm in the Middle East at that time. The culture had at it’s heart the expectation of hospitality. Every home would be ready to give it. Those who could afford to had a guest room set slightly apart from the busyness of their family life, maybe up on the flat roof, or perhaps just separated by a wall from the family living area which would most likely have been one room, bringing the precious animals in for the night to give warmth and security, and all sleeping within that family space with the animals. So it was probably not a wooden stable building that Mary and Joseph were offered for the night, but the chance to squeeze into someone’s family space – animals and all because all the guest rooms were already full. Not secluded, not quiet, not private as we perhaps have got used to picturing it. But yes, he was placed in the manger and yes he was born in with the animals that belonged to that household and I expect they were very glad of the warmth.

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Shepherds and wise men visit. We are used to telling the story all in one go – especially for children, and so we have grown accustomed to imagining the shepherds and wise men all arriving on that first night. But actually the Bible says that the wise men visited Jesus in Bethlehem much later, perhaps months later. We know Jesus was still young because Herod (otherwise known as Herod the Great – there were a few Herod’s in Biblical times) ordered all babies 2 years and under to be killed in the hope that he would remove this ‘new king’ the wise men had come to see but he was described as a ‘child with his mother’ when they saw him, not as a baby lying in a manger.

Another thing that can so easily get muddled is stars and angels – angels came to the shepherds and the star led the wise men.

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‘No crying he makes’ – no chance!!! How worrying would that have been for Mary. Babies need to cry, to take in that first big breath and to get fed when they are hungry and cleaned when they are dirty. It’s true Jesus was perfect, the Bible tells us he was without sin. But babies crying is not sinful it is necessary (Don’t ask me why we say ‘oh they were such a good baby’ when we mean they didn’t cry too much more than was convenient!! Maybe it harks back to the Victorian adage ‘children should be seen and not heard’). Yes, Mary would have been relieved to hear baby Jesus crying. And just to clarify he would have been a beautifully ordinary Bethlehem baby; olive skin, deep brown eyes, really dark hair – just like his Jewish, Middle Eastern Mum & Dad – he was really, truly human.

 

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How can it be nearly December?? what happened in November

I’m not sure what happened to November this year!

It’s been fast and furious in our family this year. After the settling down into new patterns of school and college at the beginning of term, November has seen homework and assessments… and the planning and organizing of work experience placements which is daunting. This term A has been involved in the school musical again, ‘Legally Blonde’ so he’s been busy with rehearsals and this week with the shows. We went to see it together, really fun. (Came away with plenty to unravel and talk about with T afterwards though, maybe more of that in another blog.)

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Little Jaffsie enjoying a secret hideout in the garden

The kittens have reached the age to begin exploring the garden – though I am nervous, and closely supervise still. My worries not at all calmed by Jaffa discovering how to get up on the garage roof already. Padfoot is still being kept inside, his health has not been good since we’ve had him and there are ongoing investigations and tests with the vets. So for now it’s easier to monitor him in the house. It’s easy to make sure he gets tonnes of cuddles and fuss – he just laps it up. They are becoming a wonderful part of family life, Padfoot particularly seems to sense when to curl up near someone who needs calming, and Jaffa is a bundle of energy and curiosity which is a great motivator.

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helping with bathtime

All the usual stuff of course is still being shoehorned into each week – although sadly the washing Himalayas is actually a mountain range of epic proportions as I write despite my best efforts! And no matter how often I hoover, it always needs doing. And best not to even comment on the lack of tidiness – it’s overrated I reckon.

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Padfoot (aka paddington!) investigating our latest creation – a gingerbread house

We have had some together time of Friday evening – one week even a film we all watched together (quite often we divide into two groups for Friday chillin out) – and we made our kittens a gingerbread house at the same time, partly inspired by the film choice: ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’. Little projects to occupy while we wait for the start help such a lot, and I’m on high alert all the time I find it near impossible these days to relax with a film so it kept me busy too! We’ve also ‘enjoyed’ some Friday family times shaped by meltdowns and struggle – so it’s good for me to sit and remember a good one.

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It’s been difficult to say goodbye to one of our lovely loyal guinea pigs this month. Custard Cream died very unexpectedly. And we miss him. We have planted a beautiful Hebe where he is buried. And the other half of the duo – Bourbon Biscuit – has been brought inside for the winter and is getting a lot of looking after from T. The two hamsters are fine – rather cheeky around the kittens, always popping out to stare at them, and trying to have a little nip if the kittens get too close. And the chickens, bless them, have been malting so look a bit scruffy and sorry for themselves but are fine.

Church life is gearing up for Christmas on top of all the usual busyness – I have yet to begin everything that needs doing for family Christmas of course, but somehow it seems to always come together in time (and what doesn’t, doesn’t matter). And schools have a lot of extras, Christmas Fairs, services, concerts, mufti days, discos… most weeks I struggle to keep up with what’s happening when and for whom!! I’ve also finally got round to filling in yet more forms to apply for carers allowance with the encouragement of a good friend. These things take such a lot of energy! Really thankful Andrew is a detail person, November has been a month and a half!

 

 

Bible reading together: free printable for scrapbooking with God

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I have been having a think about different ways we can look at understanding Bible stories together when we do manage to read them. There are layers of understanding going on whenever we read the Bible. Understanding of the language itself, and the ins and outs of the stories is happening. But as well as that there is a process of understanding that the story is part of our own story, they are words that give us identity and definition, they shape our own life – this happens on a cultural and a faith level. And as well as that there is the spiritual understanding, we believe this book to be full of words through which God speaks into our lives, words through which the Holy Spirit breathes life into our hearts whispering how we belong, how we are forgiven, how we are loved.

I have produced some doodle pages that might help me enable us to explore these different layers of understanding as we read the Bible together. Each page opens up discussion and thinking in one of these layers.

Download free printable

glossary of a diagnosis

It seems a lifetime ago that we began the long search for understanding – the pathways to a diagnosis. Ultimately as parents we long to deeply bond with and get to know our children, these wonderful, tiny, unique gifts. We long to understand so we can share life together, and provide well for their needs and watch them thrive and grow. Looking for a diagnosis for us was not a desire for a label, or to find the right ‘box’ – it was to understand and from that understanding to love the best we can, support the best we can, and protect the best we can.

There have been so many professions and medical terms that we have encountered in the process, it has been a little bewildering at times and definitely overwhelming sometimes. But I have definitely learnt a lot: here’s a taste of some of the phrases we have had to find out about!

  • ADOS – a set of observational assessments used to diagnose autism.
  • Autism – Also known as Autism Spectrum Condition, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. A condition with distinct areas of difference (neuro-divergence) from the norm (neuro-typical) in terms of thinking and imagination, social interaction and communication – in our house we refer to these differences as superpowers!

Autism is a spectrum condition. All autistic people share certain difficulties, but being autistic will affect them in different ways.

These differences, along with differences in diagnostic approach, have resulted in a variety of terms being used to diagnose autistic people. Terms that have been used include autism, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), autism spectrum condition (ASC), atypical autism, classic autism, Kanner autism, pervasive developmental disorder (PDD), high-functioning autism (HFA), Asperger syndrome and pathological demand avoidance (PDA). (from the national autistic society)

  • Alexithymia – inability to identify and describe your own emotions.
  • Dermatillomania – compulsive picking of skin.
  • DISCO – a lengthy questionnaire based diagnostic assessment.
  • Echolalia – a very precise copying of a word or phrase, from TV or a person. Sometimes for self-calming like stimming, sometimes for communication.
  • EHCP – Education & Health Care Plan, fairly new in the UK it’s aim is to be a joined up thinking, legal document of a child’s needs and support needed as they go through the education system.
  • Hypermobility – Hypermobile joints, but also for some hypermobile or stretchy skin, and joining tissues throughout the body with huge affects on health. Ehlers Danlos has found this is also a spectrum condition with sub-diagnostic terms. (Find out more about EDS here.)

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  • IEP – an Independent Education Plan, a system of setting goals and reviewing in a positive cycle with school.
  • Lanugo – fine downy hair growing on back or face when the body is in starvation mode. Not a term I want to have found out about really.
  • Meltdown – different from temper tantrums, connected to sensory information overload. I wrote more about it here.
  • One sided verbosity – not taking turns in conversation; rather talking at someone, using a lot of words.
  • …RefusalSchool Refusal; absolute paralysing panic about going to and being at school resulting in extreme avoidant behaviour (hiding, throwing, kicking, biting, running away). It can mean it is impossible to keep going to school for some. Food Refusal; panic about eating resulting in extreme avoidant behaviour. Can be connected to sensory hypersensitivity, neophobia (fear of new – normal phase in early childhood), and cognitive rigidity (connected to context, utensils, brand, look of the food). It means a restricted diet, and heaps of anxiety around food.
  • Selective mutism – I have written about this here; an inability to speak due to panic.
  • SEND – Special Educational Needs and Disabilities – a term used in schools where there will be a list of students identified as having SEND, and a SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) whose job is to coordinate support.
  • Sensory Processing – talking about the way our brain & body works to process the information it receives through the senses (taste, smell, sight, sounds, touch, knowing where our body is, understanding what the inside of our body is needing/doing) Just as each of us experiences pain differently, all the senses can be experienced differently. Sometimes someone can be hypersensitive to a particular type of sensory information, and/or hypo sensitive (not able to take in enough sensory feedback in a particular area).

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  • Sleep Hygiene – a term used to mean the good habits and routines that help our bodies get a good and easy night’s sleep. You know, no screens near to bedtime, ‘bath, story, bed’, have a calming bedroom, lights out etc. You can do courses in this too – yes been there done that!
  • Slow processing – talking about the speed your brain can take in information (either visual information, or audible) and respond to it.
  • Stimming – a repetitive movement, sound or word used to self regulate.
  • Webster-Stratton – a parenting philosophy and method. It’s not specific to autism, and you’d recognize it by it’s ‘time out’ method (1 min for every year old, no communication, stay on the step…). I completed basic and advanced levels at our local children’s center. But found the strategies didn’t work with us. I also found I wanted to adapt the time out process to include a sorry & forgiven stage. The part that was useful was the chance to see that we were getting lots of good parenting done – and that B’s reactions and behaviours were not typical.
  • 1,2,3 Magic – another parenting course, this time written by someone with autism in mind. Confusingly it uses the phrase ‘time out’ in a completely different way – a time to calm down and regulate. All about picking your battles, ‘contracts’, simple strategies, and tailoring rewards & consequences to your child.

I’m sure there are loads more that haven’t come to mind right now. And I’m certain there are heaps more still to encounter.

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Book review: ‘More than words’ Hannah Dunnett

Recently B & I have been using ‘More than words’ by Hannah Dunnett in the evenings to help us hear a verse from the Bible every day. It is a beautiful book, we picked it up in the summer – instantly attracted as we have some of her framed prints up in the house and love them.

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Firstly we loved having words of scripture to read presented in such a visual way. Each new painting inspired us to think and chat about verses we knew well in new ways. The colours and contexts that Hannah’s paintings use are full of meaning and for us – both being very visual thinkers – this was a very accessible way to reflect on the Bible together.

Hannah’s own reflections on her paintings are printed alongside each one and form the beginnings of an invitation to reflect for yourself as you trace the words of scripture through, within and around the paintings. They are followed by a small selection of open questions, and space at the end of each grouping of paintings with space for notes. To be honest we didn’t stop and read the questions this time, we had enough to talk about and think about without them. But it’s great that they offer another layer of reflection that we can return to next time we go through the book together.

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I wish we had bought two copies, it would have been easier probably to both have a copy to look at closely and it would have meant both of us could more easily pick out the verses we were particularly draw to. But having said that (and lets face it, it’s easily solved!)  we really enjoyed using the book together and would really recommend it as a different focus for Bible study and quiet with God.

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